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Thursday, September 10, 2009
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been 3months since the last update.
my blog seemed to be collecting dust and webs.
and perhaps, nobody visit this blog anymore.
but couldnt care less.
there are loads of things on my mind.
seriously needa unload.
my friends have been telling me to wait for the right one.
yupp i did.
and im always the one ended up getting hurt.
i like u.. and i told u b4.. u are someone that i dun wanna let go so easily.
but i gt this sentence in return..
"wo men zhuo peng you hui bi jiao hao ba"
it means that "it's better for us to be friends"
the way u behaved towards me really made me speechless at the end of the day.
we have been texting/calling daily, meet up almost everyday..
shared everything under the sun.. amazed by the telepathy and chemistry between us..
we gt many things in common.. the common things made us closer and the diff things challenged us to overcome them.. we listened to songs and sang it tgt ..
u are the only one who noe what im referring to when i do the hand signs..
Lin You Jia's mtv - Bo le.
u came by this song, Ke bu ke yi ai wo (can u love me)..
u asked me to listen and feel that im like the lead in the mtv..
when i asked u ke bu ke yi ai wo..
u asked me to make chanwanmushi for u first..
but right now WE ARE DRIFTING APART !
in case u didnt realise that... u cared so much abt the gap between u and ur ex..
what abt me?
when i asked u what do u take me for..
ur ans: a friend. the end.
then i wanna noe..
why u held hand?
why u leaned on my chest?
why u rested ur head on my shoulder and put ur arm ard mine?
why u texted and called me that frequently? and tell me so much abt ur personal stuff?
why u get so close in terms of physical?
why u ask who im out with?
why u took my pics secretly?
why u asked or said sucha thingy like "what if u have to wait for 1yr and nth happen...." , " if i dun have hao gan (gd feelings) for u, u wont be here. " , "i dun wanna lead u on but i noe im selfish to keep u by my side..." BLAHHHHH...
we had fights. twice i supposed.
these 2 fights caused sucha drift between us.
fuck it.
im not perfect.. who is?
i might not be ur ideal partner..
but look at the things i have done for u..
look at the gd intentions.
recently we are being sarcastic and insensitive towards each other.
less than 5msgs a day. no call at all. no outing for the whole wk.
i cant believe this is happening when all the gd memories just came on my mind, vying to get me reminisce them..
i cant put them down !
and right now, on msn u said i seemed unhappy.. and yes im really unhappy.. u said u wont asked cos if i wanna tell u, i will...
thats past ! do u noe?
i will only do that in the past... when i was upset/happy i would have told u..
but not now anymore ! cos i dunno what to say though at times i feel like texting u randomly.. but i noe im just nth more than a friend ! u asked me to act normal... how to? i will have to think twice b4 texting u... sometimes i hesitate.. and in the end i chose not to text u..
in short, im in no position.. sometimes i feel like telling u... lets not contact each other.. but i cant bear to do so.. im in agony.. i pretend to be happy.. i pretend that i can be ur BFF and everything's mighty fine.
im just a friend...
u said u overused this word friend.
u apologised umpteen times.
but i dun want ur sorrys.
maybe im thinking too much, im sooooo one sided.
u nv really liked me for the least bit.
perhaps all along im just a companion to u.
im so not gonna get into a rs anymore.
hahahaha some of my friends asked me be player.
then wont get hurt.
basketball player uh?? LOL !
i told myself to improve.. and yes i gonna fulfil certain tasks that i have for myself.
i appreciate u much.
what abt u?
dun act like u care.
it hurts.
-anyways i dunno who will read this but yupp ... aint feeling any better but sorta casting all these for the time being-
jamming at Thursday, September 10, 2009
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Monday, June 8, 2009
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well, its been sucha long long time since the last entry. what should i start to mention... Mmm..
oh ya b4 i start, WHAT THE HELL with my tagboard ?!! with so many stupid ads and blah..... ARGHHH zzz !
oh yeah anyways i have ended my 4.5 days temp job at Expo ! =D
selling magazine subsrciption to all mummies..
met lotsa awesome friends but of cos, some sickening LOSERS !
it will get pretty long winded if i were to start mentioning all the details. LOL. so yeah gotta cut it short la..
i think im not cut out for sales job. Seriously.
i have been repeating the same lines to the customers for dunno how many X times.
the fatigue accumulated can be really unbearable.
from head to toes, whole body is aching..
and i have to face those small fry who tried to act like big shot..
in sales, they can only see QUOTA ! nth else... they dun even bother to see ur effort.. they pressurized u to get more and more and more sales.. thats all. no life i noe..
besides facing those customers who pissed me off, i have to 'fight' against some LOSERS among the whole team.
However, the LOSERS that i have been mentioning for few times are gonna be future Lawyer, Sociologist, Engineer, Scientist and blahhhh... some looked really bimbo and they are those typical hypocrite who will wreak havoc so that they can see drama and free show happening within the whole team.. but i was dumbfounded when i got to noe that they are all University students ! =((((
SIGH ! imagine future lawyer, engineer and etc lacking in moral??
what is the point uh?
then i reflected.
WHAT AM I DOING HERE EHHH?!
majority from uni leh... vexed lo..
the awesome friends who got into uni im still okok with it la.. but not those hypocrite enrolling into uni leh !
as u guys noe uh, in sales field we gotta fight for our quota and at times those hypocrite would tend to 'steal' customers.. if not they would just disturb lo.. to stop awesome friends from clicnching the sales.
this friend of mine, bryan, was so close in getting his commission. the hypocrite grp started to mess ard lo.. then this friend, CJ(conveniently been named as Damien, LOL), has been pestered by the hypocrite grp. damien got his commission so those hypocrite wanna have a share.. Zzz..
then we gt this ah beng boss.. LOL.. to think he has got to be so humble towards bryan.. cos bryan's dad is a friend of the company's big boss.. that stupid ah beng boss dare not sack bryan for that reason. but yeah i wasnt the lucky chap. fine.. so i was being told that I AM NOT RICH KID, THAT's WHY.......... i tell u uh.. this is reality... harsh reality.. though only 4.5days, but i learnt so much..
the fact that Evil would nv triump over the Good. That's pretty true. cos i still met awesome ppl in the whole team. then we would talk abt those hypocrite.. hahaha.. those hypocrite love to eavesdrop us la ! so irritating !! whenever we start to gather and talk uh, they would purposely lingering ard and tried so hard to catch our converstation. just feel like slapping them hard on the face !
well, the ah beng boss dun see my effort.. its alright.. i have director from prudential and ntuc trying to poach me to join their sales team. but i dun think i will want it la huh.. damn tiring lo.. unless its good pay ! LOL.. then i dun mind trying.. actually uh everything's on my mind but i cant possibly typing them out. its a fun and interesting experience la..hahaha.. then my team members said i have gt hots for bryan... =_= Zzzz... he's...gd looking but nahh... LOL.. they dunno my identity so i shall not tell them anything... hahahahah...
OH YA ! i went to shop at john little la.. lol.. just next to the hall.. the way i shop machiam those stuff = free... but hahahah i bnought some stuff la... happy ! =))
anyways im going to club this thurs ! at this party, herstory... anybody wanna join me just text me eh.. im bushed ! GOODNITE ! =DD
-hello, do u want a free copy of Motherhood magazine? LOL !! -
jamming at Monday, June 08, 2009
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Thursday, April 9, 2009
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while thinking of what to text u, some other stuff disrupted the train of thoughts.
i was envious of others, seriously.
the other time u asked me to see the whole picture rather than just part of it.
i just gt the hint from the things u wrote uh..
it seems like when others text u, u will reply..
and conversations going on..
but for me..?
i have gotta think hard and at times no conversations between us.
i feel that if no much conversations going on or meeting up will fade off the friendship.
erm, i think so?
i asked myself, what can i do for u as a close friend..
and seriously i feel that there is something 'wrong' between us..
the initial feeling lost.. and u felt that way too..
but.. why arent we doing anything to make a change?
im glad that u gonna celebrate my bday.
i just wish that i dun read too much into everything..
i always afraid that i will say the wrong things and ruin ur mood.
i noe u have other friends and ur life too..
but since u claimed that im ur close friend, obviously i hope that i can gain back initial feel and be the wall that support u. but u always say u are fine.. Mmm... i guess i noe u well but..
Arghh... nvm.. shall stop thinking abt it..
Thanks for celebrating with me ! =)
(more updates next wk!)
i guess im gonna have hell time on sat.
my friends wont spare me from all the nonsense !
good luck to me.
HA..
wish myself Happy 21st Birthday in advance ! WHOO !
=D
jamming at Thursday, April 09, 2009
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Sunday, April 5, 2009
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didnt slp much aft clubbing cos my hp has been giving me prob..
disturbed me from sleeping.
i was afraid of losing the messages inside..
i lost them once.. that's why was afraid.
the messages are to support me and keep me strong..
B.. i noe close friends dun need to chat everytime.
why i said defeat the purpose is becos we are close friends and if u dun wanna talk to me then how am i suppose to talk to u abt my prob?
sigh..
u are afraid that the shoulder is being shared.. same here..
i dunno how u feel after reading my offline message to u.
seriously, being close friends is just in name or..?
do u noe when u knocked on my door again and concerned abt me, im melted?
everyday im hoping to receive some messages to keep me going and keep me strong.
it's like a glimpse of light directing me.. and making my day.
what i thought is something simple but perhaps to u, it seemed to be a task.
just want to let u noe.. i nv wanna leave.. u cannot doubt this.
i believe u will noe who treat u gd. =)
-----
Was dancing with yo but ky signalled yo that she's not gd enough to dance with me.
so ky swopped over and we danced..
she's gd dancer eh.. i like the way she groove along with music.
and all the grinding and blahhhh !
hahaha !
someone told me, dance floor can make one forget troubles, but temporary only.
Mmm true enough..
while dancing, i noticed ky was being 'bullied'
i pulled her away from that guy..
sigh.. she left without saying much.
damn shag.. but i gonna fill my stomach now !
-dude, i noe what type i prefer eh-
jamming at Sunday, April 05, 2009
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Saturday, April 4, 2009
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gonna club today.
BORING !
my bday is coming soon.
i wish for my wishes to come true.
HAH..
but aint happy that it is coming soon cos some idiots have ruined my mood alr.
havent planned for my bday and dun really have the urge to celebrate it...
F up la..
sigh..
b4 i went to slp ytd, steff was on my mind..
no doubts many ppl would say she's not as gd as what we perceived of her..
but.. well if i have got what steff possesses now, i might become like her too.
and i love her favourite phrase - ' Dont pretend you know my story. '
it fits well in my situation right now.
i wish to tell the bunch of idiots..
Dont pretend you know my story.
cos you guys noe nuts abt my rs, my life, my doings, my thinking, my emo-ness and etc...
so shut the F up..
dun ever try to blabber nonsense and think this is going to aid u in getting closer to my heart or stepping into my world..
i didnt say i wanna be someone else.. i just wish that i could possess what steff has right now.
but perhaps, this might turn me into another person.
alright im not thinking straight again..
to =)
sometimes it gt me thinking..
whether u still rem what u wrote in the email..
aint sure whether im over sensitive or what but sigh everything seems messed up again..
we are not behaving the way we behaved that time..
i dislike the mixed feelings that always cause a stir..
i can only control.
control the number of times missing and thinking of u.
control the number of times messaging u.
control the number of times 'reprimanding' u. (maybe u will think that im scolding u at times but im not)
control myself from popping those questions again.
control and control... i suppressed it so hard that i breakdown often.
weakling, i noe.
but im still learning....
i dun wanna compare but im sure my feelings towards u will not lose out to anyone out there who fancies u.
-will u take my number..? hahahah! -
jamming at Saturday, April 04, 2009
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Saturday, March 28, 2009
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honestly i think u should stop blaming urself.
everything is fine initially.
but i ruined it.. with so many questions again.
if i didnt ask, we would be perfectly fine like the way we had for past few days.
i have no rights to interfere in ur affair.
i just wish everything can remain status quo.
rewind everything back to the day i went drinking.
i wont deny i love ur intensive care..
and it spoilt me..
recently i begin to look at my hp often..
though sometimes i tried not to sms u first but in the end i would still drop u a msg.
when feelings developed, it's hard to turn back but it's hard to move forward..
shed much tears uh..
but i choose to rem the gd memories that we had..
at least, it brings smile and fast heartbeat at that instant.
i still harbour that thought.
im selfish.
i still wish u can muster enough courage to be with me.
regardless of the barriers..
im sorry.
-without u, my world indeed become less colourful. can u paint that rainbow for me..? -
jamming at Saturday, March 28, 2009
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