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Saturday, March 28, 2009
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honestly i think u should stop blaming urself.
everything is fine initially.
but i ruined it.. with so many questions again.
if i didnt ask, we would be perfectly fine like the way we had for past few days.
i have no rights to interfere in ur affair.
i just wish everything can remain status quo.
rewind everything back to the day i went drinking.
i wont deny i love ur intensive care..
and it spoilt me..
recently i begin to look at my hp often..
though sometimes i tried not to sms u first but in the end i would still drop u a msg.
when feelings developed, it's hard to turn back but it's hard to move forward..
shed much tears uh..
but i choose to rem the gd memories that we had..
at least, it brings smile and fast heartbeat at that instant.
i still harbour that thought.
im selfish.
i still wish u can muster enough courage to be with me.
regardless of the barriers..
im sorry.
-without u, my world indeed become less colourful. can u paint that rainbow for me..? -
jamming at Saturday, March 28, 2009
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c
Friday, March 27, 2009
d
i believe ignorance is bliss.
if i didnt view anything related to u, my heart wont be aching again.
actually i shouldnt be so bothered..
it's ur life..
just that im thinking too much perhaps..
thought the recent messages, ur blog posts and email could mean otherwise.
my mind is blank..............................
-i love to booze and club and puke all the way ! -
jamming at Friday, March 27, 2009
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at times, i really wanna curse and swear myself..
im supposed to noe u well.. im supposed to understand u..
but yup the email killed me once again.
i disappointed u again.
i wish i could turn the time back.
at least been thru the past and perhaps i could change my fate as well as everyone's fate.
things might be different.
i shouldnt make assumptions.
i shouldnt be subjective.
but i wish i could see what's ahead of me..
so that i can lead u along..
i wont play ard.. and each time i listen to this song 'Mad', it reminds me of u..
just woke up and i dunno what the hell im talking abt.
i feel like drinking and getting knocked out and u are by my side taking care of me......
-Mr. I sounds nice but nth else between us. just friends. but u should noe u're still the one i like-
jamming at Friday, March 27, 2009
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Monday, March 23, 2009
d
though bpf asked me not to be player..
and yeah i noe it's not easy being one..
but sometimes one may think 'who cares'
i read her blog.
my mood affected once again.
it's gd to noe that she's leading a gd life.. with friends so understanding and family support.
mine is totally opposite from hers.
i have no idea how long this is going to be..
i told Mr. I that i would try to do something..
he's glad. =)
but i noe i couldnt rely on him too much.
it's time to be independent !
sigh.. i just couldnt express my feelings again... this mixed feelings.
-ignorance is bliss. really? is it true? -
jamming at Monday, March 23, 2009
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c
Saturday, March 14, 2009
d
it's been so long since the last post..
i was wondering who would ever view my blog alr.. haha..
i was wondering would ' =) ' view my blog..
it's amazing to noe time really flies and many events happened..
unfortunately, not a very good one for me..
i cried like dunno how many X times..
my heart ached like dunno how many X times..
i tortured myself with all sorts of nonsense like dunno how many X times..
as if there wasnt any glimpse of hope in my life..
i walked the places we went b4.. i listened to the songs so familiar..
though not lovey-dovey as what u claimed..
but to me, it's sweet.. cos it's u that i had at those moments..
but, all gone..
perhaps u did drop hints long ago..
i was dumb and didnt realize it..
that's why the truth seemed so harsh..
perhaps God sympathise me.
cos Mr. I appeared.
Mr. I shared his experience, asked me out and even intro me his friends.
thanks. =) really grateful.
but it wasnt easy for me to just move on like this..
Mr. I nv thought of giving up on me..
perhaps we shared the same situation.. that's why he can empathise me.
and Janice suddenly appeared in my life.
sometimes uh i really felt that God loves to play prank on me leh..
or He is trying hard to reinforce this phrase ' what does not kill you, makes you stronger. '
Mmm..
i went to club..
i thought i could be like them..
but someone came to my mind and i dun seem to be able to play and fling..
fucked up..
my world seemed to turn upside down..
WAKE UP LA !! sigh..
im really exhausted that suicidal thoughts keep floating on my mind..
i gonna break that bubbles..
i gonna improve..
but easier said than done..
whatever.....
I just dun feel good.
i dun like to be humiliated.
i dun like to be seen like a fool.
i dun like ppl to toy with my feelings.
I just hope that day will come................
-Am i a player? Can i be a player?-
jamming at Saturday, March 14, 2009
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